After my first creative workshop Paint Your Magic Mandala I held in January, I felt elated for a long time. I can still revive that feeling in my body. That feeling of being whole and free. That’s how I felt during that workshop. I was 100% myself, just as I am.
The connection with other women in the creative process was something I have never experienced before and from that moment on I knew this is something I’ve been yearning for a long time. Sitting together at one table fully immersed in painting, each of us experiencing the process in own unique way yet all of us feeling driven by one higher creative force.
I couldn’t wait to bring the next workshop to life. I felt so ready. I had the theme. I only had to wait to have all logistics organised to be able to set the date. And then…
Something didn’t feel as good as I thought it would. Somehow I wasn’t able to start writing the workshop content. Then I got sick. Just when I decided and planned to run not only my creative workshop but also 6 essential oils classes in March. And guess what was the main theme for my classes? Self-care. Irony?
“Right, perfect timing! Why is this always happening to me?”
You may know how it goes, spiraling down into that “Why me? Why now? Why again?” story. And to me it’s especially difficult to shift the energy when I’m sick. I was so unwell I had to cancel my first Self-care Evening class. After giving myself some time for rest and supporting myself with some tools (thank you, essential oils!) to shift the energy, I finally sat down to write the workshop content.
And what? I wrote the title. Inner Child Mandala – creative workshop. And I could not write a single word apart from that. I tried to make it work and the harder I tried the more resistance I felt. The workshop was going to be happening only two weeks away. And I completely couldn’t feel it. That’s what I thought. I was trying to push myself. Typing and deleting, typing and deleting. “Your inner child wants to be loved . It is calling you “come play with me”. What will you do?”
On the second day, after spending hours at the computer and still writing and deleting, I stopped and just allowed myself to cry. It hit me how big the theme is for me. My own deep old wounds have opened. I cried the next day too. And then the self-doubt crept in.
“How can I run this workshop if I myself still have so much healing to do? How can I be there for others if I don’t have it all figured out and worked through?”